TSSI #19- Identity Crisis
Read Time: 2.5 minutes
I arranged dinner with a group of old friends recently.
One of my friends walked into the restaurant, shoulders slumped and had a very low energy.
He spoke quietly, had little enthusiasm and seemed sad. I said to him "What's up? You seem down".
He said, "Ye, it's been a tough year for me on court. Injuries have sucked and results haven't gone my way either. I've got another month until I'm able to compete again."
It reminded me of all the times that I got injured in my career.
Many times I was completely lost.
One day, I'm a pro tennis player climbing the rankings. The next, I'm prepping for surgery, or faced with a lengthy period off the tennis court.
It can be an identity crisis.
"Who am I if I'm not the successful tennis player that I see myself as?"
"People only respect me for what I'm achieving in tennis. But, now that I'm not playing, what have people got to respect about me."
These are thoughts that I'm sure I had. Subconsciously if not consciously.
Identity: The pro's and con's
Having a strong identity, such as tennis professional, entrepreneur, CEO or D1 athlete can have many advantages.
The pro's
Identities can give us a strong sense of belonging for starters. We see it all the time in sports.
If you're a Liverpool fan, or a Golden State fan, you feel like you belong to part of a community.
If you meet someone else who supports the same team as you, you instantly feel more connected.
It's also great in that it gives you a strong sense of purpose and direction. Allowing you to be resilient in the face of obstacles, and keep striving to be the person you identify as.
It was my strong sense of identity as a tennis player that kept me coming back to the sport. Even when faced with long-term injuries (18 months out with shoulder surgery).
However...
The major con
It can lead to an identity crisis' when faced with significant life changes or challenges.
Injury. You get let go. You sell your business. Your kid leaves home.
Whatever that change is, it can be hard.
What you so strongly identified with for so long seems to have disappeared.
You feel lost, sad, empty & uncertain of who you are.
The solution?
I was recently flicking through Facebook when I stumbled across this graduation speech.
It's since gone viral and had millions of views.
The girl giving the speech used to be a D1 softball player. She identified strongly with this.
But she got a career ending injury and an identity crisis ensued...
I love what she highlights.
We are not human doings.
We are human beings.
What you do will change many times throughout your lifetime. That is a certainty.
Yes, take pride in what you do.
But, the better question is who are you being?
Identifying with tangible things (labels) is great. Doctor, Lawyer, Footballer etc.
But identifying as a courageous, honest, loyal person can surpass the boundaries of "what you do".
I think we can all choose to identify more with who we are being as people, rather that what we do as a career.
In my friends case:
Sure, he's an amazing tennis player, that I have no doubt will achieve big things in this sport.
But, the reason I think he's an amazing person is because of who he is.
Nothing to do with what he's achieved on the court.
He's genuine. Authentic. Courageous. Believes in himself. Resilient. Loyal. Wishes good on others.
Those things he can continue to be, whether he's a tennis player, a stock broker or a stay at home dad.
We should all choose to identify with who we're being, and not just as what we're doing.
Because we're all so much more than what we do.
