TSSI #10 - How To Build Confidence & Why It's Overrated
Read Time: 3 minutes
Today, I'm going to dig into the topic of confidence. I'm going to teach you how to build it…and why it's overrated.
As a high-performer, being as confident as possible is obviously a good thing. It helps us close deals, be more creative, perform at our peak, and we just feel happier when confident.
So knowing how to build confidence is a valuable skill.
The problem is that most people (including my younger self) have false beliefs about what confidence is and how to build it.
“You don't get confident from shouting affirmations in the mirror”
There are zero hacks or tricks in this issue. Just proven tactics to help you become more confident & increase your performance levels.
Building true confidence doesn't come from:
Shouting affirmations in the mirror
Visualizing great performances
Adopting a power pose
So, where does confidence come from?
What is confidence & how do I build it?
Confidence is defined as “a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgment.”
Last year, I started coaching tennis full-time. It was new to me, so I wasn't very confident.
I had a decent tennis career, I got to a high level, but I'd never coached tennis properly. Only short periods here & there, particularly when I was injured.
Sure, I could play well and I had a lot of valuable information to give. But, coaching and being able to communicate is a skill in itself.
So, when I first started coaching, I was nervous. If I had to talk to a big group, I would shake like a sh***ing dog.
Would visualizing or standing in a power pose have made me more confident?
Hell no.
How I gained confidence was through investing in my learning and putting in the work.
I probably spent close to $10,000 on coaching courses & mentorships in the last year. And completed close to 1500 hours of coaching.
I improved my coaching knowledge & became a better communicator through learning & repetition.
SIMPLY: To build confidence, become better.
2 sayings that I love:
Competence breeds confidence (not the other way around)
Repetition removes doubt.
Why confidence is overrated…
Confidence depends on your situation.
It's a feeling, which can come and go.
For example, as a former professional tennis player:
If I was to step on the court against a 75 year old grandma that weighs 250 lbs and has a walking stick, I'd be pretty confident.
But, if I was facing Carlos Alcaraz, I'd have little confidence. And I might have even considered booking my flight home before the match.
My abilities haven't changed. But my confidence has depending on the situation that I'm in.
And this is reflective of business & sport. As you grow, there will always be levels above you.
So is it right that we rely on confidence?
No.
One of the most important epiphanies in my career was realizing that I could feel little confidence, but still execute anyway.
The ball (or the customer) doesn't know that you're not confident.
It just comes down to executing the skill (or sales pitch) despite the lack of confidence that you may have.
Why is it that we crave confidence so much? Or, phrased differently, what does confidence allow us to do that aids our performance?
Three things:
Have clarity on what we're doing
Which aids good decision making
Commit fully without hesitation
Can we still do those 3 things without confidence?
Sure.
Which is why people put too much emphasis on gaining confidence.
If you're looking to excel at something, grow and become a high-performer, there will be times that you have little confidence.
But, if you can have clarity, make good decisions, and fully commit to them, then there's little need for confidence.
An old tennis coach of mine used to say "commit without confidence".
Summarizing
Put in the work, prepare well and invest in your improvement to build your confidence.
Understand that confidence is a feeling that will fluctuate depending on your situation.
You don't need confidence as long as you have clarity & commitment.
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